My proclamation:

Who am I? What is this life I’m living? What do I want my testament to the world be? I would like to be remembered not as a figure, not as just another walking beating heart trying to survive and make sense of this world the best way they knew how.
At the end I would like my true nature to be remembered, the way I touched people’s hearts, maybe not with grandiose actions, but perhaps just a simple smile or a kind word or touch. I would like to make an impact perhaps not in world history but in the history of each person I know. I would like to leave an imprint not in the material world but a loving impression in the internal universe of each person I meet.
I would like my life to be love. And for this I have to start with myself, loving myself unconditionally and to no return. I would like this love in my being to overflow and spread to each person I come in contact with.

And this is no easy task I’ve set myself for the world is full of hatred. I stand against opposition wherever I turn. Starting from myself. Loving myself for everything that I am and am not is one of the hardest things I’ll ever have to do. How easy it is to turn on myself and be my worst critic and chastiser. How hard it is not to let other people’s opinions of me deplete my love, how easy it is to agree and follow along the hate parade. The fear… I’d like my life to be a testament of freedom and love. Freedom to live to the best of my ability, freedom to love with my full heart no matter what the world may say.

I am quite aware that this may mean I stand alone sometimes, that many times I may be misunderstood or rejected, but that does not matter for I’ll be standing in love, which can withstand it all. Ever suffering love, yet love is magic, sometimes the more it suffers the stronger it grows, for its in the suffering where it is tested and proved and having valiantly battled comes out stronger from the strife.

Sometimes our world is so shallow, so one dimensional. We seek the quick, the fast and easy. The instant joy, the immediate constant gratification. We are always hungry for more, always looking for the next best thing, our being never satisfied. Short-sightedly, we think we know how to fill this empty hollow; more fun (whatever that may mean), more food, more booze, more sex, more money, more pleasure, more power… More and more of the new best thing. Until we become confused of what is it we are actually looking for, who we are and where we are going we don’t even know anymore, we just got lost in the trance of trying to satiate our human hungers.
Yet the possibility is always there, to turn inside and look for love. At any given time at any given moment we all have the chance to stop our constant, tiresome, futile seeking and find the greatest treasure within us. The only substance which can quench our thirst, settle our hunger and restore our breath, love. Love for oneself, love for our neighbour, love for our dear life, for each minute and every hour. As messed up as we think our life’s might be, as far away from our goals as we think we might be, as flawed as we perceive ourselves, as odious as we find our neighbour, love, above all, unconditionally.

Love is the answer for all the questions we don’t even know yet. Love is the essence of life.
But just what is this love I claim cures all? I know many before me have tried to define, pin point and study this phenomenon called love and it has proven not to be a simple task… Yet love really is so simple, maybe because of its simplicity it escapes our comprehension used to intricate and complex formulations. Simple but congruent, that is love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails… ” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

I find the bible spells out beautifully what love is. And not just in this one passage but in its entirety, perhaps the bible is the greatest love letter ever written, the love of God towards creation.
But love is not a matter of religion, love is a basic human need and intrinsic element. We are all capable of experiencing and walking in love, not just with or because of one person, but with life.
Love is an all encompassing concept which harbours compassion, kindness, humility, equanimity, forgiveness, gentleness, joy, hope, courage… Love is a concept which escapes the human vocabulary.
Love is not the sensations of lust or romantic infatuation, although I can’t deny that at times these may open the way for real love; but love is something stronger, something more powerful we shouldn’t just leave for fairy tales and happily ever afters.

Love is something we should take a hold of and make our swords, our shields, our armours with, if we are to survive and thrive in the battleground of life.
The reality is that just like love is a very latent, constant, powerful force; so is hate. And that’s the conundrum we find ourselves in. Caught in this constant fight between good and evil, for which team are we batting, sadly at times we don’t even know?
So with this, I’d like to proclaim a revolution, of love.

Let’s not just keep love locked up in the shelf gathering dust, waiting for a certain special someone, if you like her, if she likes you. Let’s not just keep love for the affection you feel for your mum, for your dad, for your dog, let’s not just keep love for certain pre-selected precious beings. Let’s begin by making love of our lives. Let’s begin by pleading eternal love to our souls, let’s begin by forgiving, befriending and enamouring the person that’s disappointed us the most, ourselves.
Let’s begin by loving our lives, each second, each breath. Let’s look at life through the eyes of love. Take off the shades that have kept us “cool” for so many years and finally begin to really admire what you’ve been missing so many years, this divine precious life and all of its infinite magical possibilities. If you look properly, you will see that really love is and always will be all, around you, whether you choose to acknowledge and honour it or not. It’s there. So why keep on hurting? I know myself, I have been a vagabond in life for long enough. But just like each one of us I was blessed with finding the greatest treasure this life can offer, I have found my found my home, I have found my calling, my path and compass. I have found love.

Love and live; fearless and fiercely

I’d like to live a full life, I know I have no time to waste for  I have wasted enough.

“You are living as if destined to live for ever; your own frailty never occurs to you; you don’t notice how much time has already passed, but squander it as though you had a full and overflowing supply — though all the while that very day which you are devoting to somebody or something may be your last. You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire… How late it is to begin really to live just when life must end! How stupid to forget our mortality, and put off sensible plans to our fiftieth and sixtieth years, aiming to begin life from a point at which few have arrived!” – Seneca
I’d like to fill my life with adventures, with breathtaking moments, with beauty, with love.
I have no time to waste on haters, on naysayers.
Life is too short not to live life with a full open heart. To breath in and exhale love all around me.
And what is love? Please don’t think I mean, roses and chocolates, the erotic, romantic deformed version of love the media tries to sells us . What I mean is the most potent force in the universe; loving, nurturing, accepting, understanding others as my own flesh and blood, for they are. How often we forget we are all in this together!
How many of us walk around in darkness, fooled by our egos, striving to put ourselves above of the rest. What value is there is being superior to your fellow man? I see more virtue, more courage in building up my brother than in spending all my efforts on “getting ahead”. Of what? What warmth and comfort will my heart find in feeling “superior” to the rest. Only alienation and hate can come from this ethos. And I’m choosing the loving way. Where I’m not superior or separate to the rest. We are all just as valuable and precious human lives. We all struggle with the same monsters, with the same insecurities, with the same scary voices trying to deny and defy our worth. And maybe that’s why it’s sometimes so much easier to hide behind egos…
Yet that’s not our true nature but an illusion, a safety armor we have developed to get by…
So today I’m choosing to come out of under my heavy shell, let go off my vain safeguards and plunge fully into the odyssey of life. There might’ve been a day when I once needed those crutches, an immature helpless babe against the magnificence of life and its wonders but time and experience have dutifully taken care of transforming me into what I am now,  I am stronger; I am now ready.  Ready to open my heart and extend my hand to life and all it may bring . To dance with fear, for it can’t hurt me. Fear, an old  friend will always be there attentively trying to warn me of impeding dangers. But now I say “hush those sweet lips now dear friend, there’s really no foes around…”
“It’s going to be ok, I’m here”, answers my courageous hear, now packed and powered with the most potent power of all, love.
Love will always overcome, love will always endure.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”  1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.

Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Of the business of human relations…

“To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

When it comes to matters of the heart, mine and that of others, I don’t plan to discriminate, manipulate or engage in any other sort of petty games, which sadly society promotes and we have come to expect as the norm…
Who’s worthy, who’s not, who comes first and who can wait…
In my eyes we are all the same.
The idea of reserving a special someone to love and to hold sounds appealing to the selfish little child in me who is crying for attention. However, when I let go off my egocentric tendencies and fears and lean into my true nature of expansive love, then there is space in my heart for not just the one single being but for every person I come in contact with, for every soul.
When I am aware of my true nature then the need to have someone love me privately and exclusively disappears, because I’m already filled with everlasting love.
The trick is tuning into our true nature instead of walking around like soldier zombies, hypnotised charging against each other.
As a 27 year old female, I write this perhaps disillusioned by our current dating culture and philosophy.
The idea of finding one perennial life partner by hastily sifting through a narrow strainer an endless pile of potential candidates is an impractical and cold hearted mechanism which in my view diminishes our worth and undervalues our dynamic capacity as complex and multidimensional human beings, and so is a system which just doesn’t cater for properly exploring and getting to know the multiple layers of what makes each person truly unique.

Put simply, in my view, this modern commercialised society we live in has managed to turn even our “love lives” into an industrialised, profit-driven enterprise in which we are encouraged to quickly judge a book by its cover, and as with every other aspect of our life’s, when it comes to relationships as well we are encouraged to want it “easy and fast” and always more or “better”. We peruse this human library so quickly and mindlessly that most of the time we don’t even get a chance to even read even the title, look at the year of publication or much less, inquire about the author or literary background.
Approaching relationships, and with this I mean human interactions in general, in this way we are not only ripping ourselves off but also doing a disservice to the our fellow humans in general.
Perhaps it is because we, as individuals hold a superficial and critical view of ourselves that we apply that same judgemental iron fist and prejudiced “selective” standards when assessing our possible suitors.
But yet at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done and we are lying in bed alone, assessing our humanity, our successes and shortcomings, we wishfully intuit that there’s got to be more to us than just what our current resume outlines and what our Facebook profile indicates, regardless of our current circumstances, regardless of what we did and didn’t do, beyond our human efforts for productivity… We sense that as humans, sapient and sensitive beings that we are, there’s got to be more to us, beyond our physical realities….
So why persevere in treating ourselves and others as machines or soulless objects I wonder? Have we depersonalised ourselves so much that we find ourselves living out the virtual realities we created. Where a profile on a flat screen can attempt to represent a complex and multifaceted human and so be “added” or “deleted” with just a click.

I refuse to treat others as merely objects who I can use and abuse to merely enhance my own self, and pump up my ego. I guess the phrase “arm candy” sadly sums up the way how we often approach our social life… Our directory of “contacts” is a wardrobe we often peruse and ponder as to who do we feel like “wearing” today…

I know it’s simply our human nature, but why is it that even when we are well aware of our selfish egocentric nature, when approaching others we still, automatically more often than not only think about what they can give us? How we can benefit from our interactions from them? Why not start thinking about the impact we can have upon others and strive to be a positive, kind and compassionate influence, maybe they never had? When did we forget that it is priceless, precious human lives we are dealing with?
So when it comes to “dating” or “romantic” relations,  I think I will stick to romancing myself first….

Not because I can’t find a date, ironically many will appear with just the simple flick of a finger, but because I refuse join in this derogatory charade of human interaction…

When did we forget to apply the “golden rule” to dating as to every other aspect of our lives..

When did we forget that when interacting with others we are given a truly sacred opportunity to influence a whole another world? I guess maybe because engaging with others in some way or another is a such common everyday practice that other people often become just part of the furniture… And so we’ve become de-synthesised to the importance and privilege of the experience and of all the underlying impending potential we are granted towards  making a positive difference in someone’s world…

So for me, especially when it comes to “dating” or any sort of courting ritual, the idea of toying around with another soul’s feelings and notions is a highly sensitive and critical yet empowering almost magical practice I will uphold with the care and responsibility it deserves. Having the opportunity to intimately engage with another being is a honour I don’t take lightly, but rather it’s a task I will embrace with all the love and awareness it deserves, treating others as I would treat myself, handling another persons heart with clean, loving hands.

I am done swiping people left or right, marketing myself and shopping around for others. I’m done treating others and being treated in an undignified way, reducing our humanity to less than what we deserve…

Having read “Dating for Dummies” I’ve decided to put it aside and not take any of its advice but rather regard it as unhelpful, antiquated, truly outdated (pun intended) information for pursuing human relations. One perhaps relevant in the romantic era when it was fashionable to walk around flaunting extravagant, awkward costumes, hiding their real, humble selves behind different masks, in more than just one sense, following absurd protocols and upholding a punitive hierarchy, but certainly not sound advice for our modern 21st century. We have advanced technology so much, how about updating and advancing the way we pursue human relations in a way which reflects the freedom and diversity of thought, equanimity, equality, justice we supposedly value?

So even if I can’t revamp the whole current dating market, which sooner or later is bound to crash, as a consumer myself I can begin by writing my own alternative handbook, or maybe start by just discarding all the limiting, archaic, pre imposed conventions of human relations. …

Life being so simple and us humans managing to make everything so hard… Love, so pure, so true, so readily available to and for all of us yet we’ve constructed a million and one obstructions preventing us from attaining and relishing in it, but rather making our life’s  a quest for the unnatainable “holy grail” of an ethereal concept we call “love”.

How can we possibly expect to make real connections with people, much less give love a chance to blossom if we approach the whole dating ritual as a sham? Whatever happened to showing a genuine interest in our fellow man? Embracing each other, instead of trying to outsmart one another?

So I’m getting back to basics, in my books honesty will always be the best policy. I’m done holding back my feelings and emotions, “playing hard to get” and keeping a “poker face” instead of being authentic, being real, being raw, putting my cards on the table and making real lasting connections. Sharing myself, my gifts and talents and anything else I can offer wholeheartedly without any ulterior motive or hidden agenda other than connecting, sharing in this wonderful life and hopefully being of some service and enhancing another’s experience…

Dating as a weekend sport is not my idea of fun. Making poor souls jump through hoops to obtain my attention doesn’t interest me, what’s the use in withholding my affection?

Since when did we have to rely on our dating itinerary to feel worthy, or be deemed as eligible bachelor/bachelorettes?

Seeking some sort of companionship out of boredom or need for stimulation are no longer options. I personally see no need to have another person take me out and spend time and money on me to simply inflate my self esteem, much less go out to dinners and movies or any other social engagement just so I am not alone or because I have nothing better to do.

“Benching” people, “ghosting” , “zombie-ing”, or “stringing” someone along are terms I have recently learned about for common yet toxic practices in our dating culture people engage in consciously or unconsciously, practices I am however, choosing to no longer take any part of. Spending precious mutual time and energy but most importantly manoeuvring with another’s existence just so I can feel “popular”, “keep my options open”, “play the field” or simply expand my social circle and keep my agenda full, are in my view vain and detrimental pastimes. I see no value in going through “dates” quicker than I change my underwear.

So for now the status is happily single and ready to consciously, lovingly, mingle.

And while I do hope and trust that one day a noble man will organically find his way and take his rightful place as my accomplice and copilot and together navigate though life, for now, I gaze at that vacant seat with dreamy, bright eyes… Happily relishing in my momentary liberating solitude…

Because I’ve realized there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely and the truth of is—I rather like it my own company.
I enjoy long evenings with myself, penning away my thoughts, romancing with my favourite authors or roaming through the markets, delighting my senses in the sights and sounds of the city, taking a bite of a juicy ripe plum, planning meals to entice my friends, taking mental notes for upcoming late night drunken philosophical conversations… About the world and our insanity…

I love unceremoniously signing out the top of my lungs to my favourite “feel good” lyrics, and licking from the spoon the delicious spices of my concoctions while I cook, and until a man comes along who will be content to watch me goofily dance barefoot in the kitchen while I cook for us, I’m alright with flying solo and table for one.

I don’t think it’s self-centered or self-absorbed saying this, but healthy. Because if we haven’t practiced loving ourselves first —then how can we ever properly love someone else?

There isn’t loneliness in dating myself—there’s peace because I am content in living and building the life of my dreams until someone else comes along who wants to stake a claim in it for good.

Someone who won’t think twice and will be proud to claim me as his woman—a man who will think my heart is my greatest feature and his heart will be his greatest feature too. A warrior, a golden hearted king among men, who will be regarded because of his intentions and loyalty, his morals, his courage and vulnerability.
And while my long hair may be soft against his bare chest, and my eyes may burn into his, it won’t be my physical features that we are attracted to but the dark corners of each other’s minds and souls —even the darkest corners we used to be scared to show.

A man with whom reciprocally, we will know and love our strengths and assets as well as our flaws and defects, especially our flaws and defects. A man who’s not just with me to pass the time or for obligation, or waiting around to see what I can offer him, but rather a man who’s made the conscious decision to be with me because he who knows the only thing I can guarantee him is a love with a wide and depth like he has never known before.

And so we’ll call each other lucky, not because we think we’ve “struck gold” and found a “perfect partner” or our “other half” but because we know choosing a partner is much like choosing your favourite pair of shoes; there will always be times when after we’ve made our purchase we see other pairs who may appear “better”, shinier, new models, Italian leather, ergonomic soles… and so we may second guess ourselves and wonder what it’s like to wear those other shoes, we may even be tempted to greedily purchase them as well, the possibility of “upgrading” is always there… yet we’ve already made the decision to buy a pair we like and fits just fine, so well wear them until well, they die….

And we’ll both be well aware that it won’t be “perfect”, we know it’ll be a bumpy ride but also the most thrilling and fulfilling ride of our lives, one we are both committed to enjoying by each other’s side through the ups and downs, twists and turns, holding each other’s hand and smiling for the camera as we go through the tunnel and into the final plunge.

So because it’s tough we’ll both keep going, pursuing our own different paths but coming home to each other at the end of the end day, a safe haven were we are not afraid to be unapologetically ourselves in all our glory. Accompanying each other, not out of need or momentary inclination dependant on variable fluctuating feelings or any other immature interest but because we’ve both made the conscious choice to share our sweet solitudes and offer our whole, messy wonderful selves to one another, in love.

But, until that happens—I have made the choice to stay true to my heart.

And just date myself.

“There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love.” – Erich Fromm

Breaking free

I may not be perfect but I am real and I am raw.

I am a work in progress and my life is my greatest masterpiece; my message to the world.
I am tired of living a shallow experience, only looking for things to momentarily quench the superfluous desires of the flesh to which nothing really satisfies.
I am looking to enrich and nourish my soul, to give my existence a real meaning outside of the mundane  monotony society burdens upon us.
I am ready to break free of the prison of my own mind and self limiting beliefs.
The fact that my time is limited and life is a precious gift has become well and truly apparent to me.
I don’t have time to fluff around anymore, pretending to be something I’m not, or living behind a mask, many masks; holding my feelings close to my chest, keeping my heart guarded, keeping “cool”.
I’ve proven that to be a tiresome, unfulfilling and futile way to live.
When I’m on my death bed I don’t want to say the words “I should’ve lived more true to myself, be who I am, without fear”.
It saddens me to see not many people honor their authentic selves. We all have some facade, some persona we have created which we think we have to uphold for some reason or another, to be accepted? Because for some reason we are not allowed to be who we are?show our true colours?
It’s not easy and it’s not all rainbows and roses, being authentic. You meet your light and you also meet your shadow and it’s the dance of amalgamation between these two, that living an authentic life is.
Sadly, we are told we have to hide our “ugly sides”, they are not allowed to be shown in public and we must change. But the truth is, these “ugly sides” will always be there, we are wonderfully imperfect human. It’s only when we can begin to accept and embrace our imperfections when true freedom comes.
You break free of the confinement of “what it should be”, you allow yourself to live right now, not when you are better, when you have more money, when you are thinner, more successful, something other than you are. When you accept your messy life and discombobulated self as it is, only then you can begin walking out of the jail we have put ourselves into.
And it’s painful living there, but it feels safe. We have grown used to living in captivity and even expect that that’s the way it should be. But there’s another way, the organic way we were intended to be, before we developed rock hard egos and stainless steel masks, we were natural, we were free, our whole, untainted, sometimes candid selves. And the good news is we can go back to that. Our true natures haven’t died, they are just waiting to be emancipated, to escape and run boldly if only we dare.
And it’s this breaking free, this thrilling escape which is one of the most exciting and more satisfying things we can do in our life time. Not only breaking free, but walking with your head held high as free men. “I did it, I’m a survivor and I’m not going back”.
Sure, sometimes it’s easy to miss the illusions of security and predictability of prison life. Life in the wild can get scary and so our instinct might be to run back, but if we can hold on to that courage and strength which allowed us to break free, we can face anything life throws at us while still running free and au naturel.
And this is the life I’m committed to living. There’s too many people locked behind bars. The world needs more people who show up in the arena and truly play with their hearts and souls exposed, authentically.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” – Kurt Vonnegut

Growing pains

I write because I have no repair, my heart knows no other way. Nothing other can soothe this aches of my soul… Nothing other can express the deep longing causing this excruciating pain, which I can bear but must manifest through writing, through words.

This intoxicating, almost mesmerizing, captivating, pain… A sweet rhapsody of emotion.
Labor pains… My heart is a wound out of which never ending cosmic feeling flows…
Sensitivity, vulnerability, the birthplace of all my passions and desires; my aches…
I’m tired, I’m tired of having to be something bigger than myself.
For once I’d like to put my load down and just be, rest in my knowing that I am, full stop, no ifs or buts.
No one or nothing can ever make me whole other than me. It is a personal choice and responsibility to look at myself in the mirror and say “I see you, I see the tears in your eyes, I hear your silent cry”, that which everyday in every way you try to escape, yet it’s there and won’t go away. It just needs someone to listen, to acknowledge it is real and it is true.
What is death if not a rejection of life, of self, and this is the life I’m living. Withdrawing all life, the living breath out of myself.
I never thought pausing just to be with myself would be one of the hardest thing I’d ever have to do, welcoming myself and my experience into this world.
Giving up all efforts for “self-improvement” or “self-destruction”.
How can I improve on something that’s not there? I need to first accept and love what’s here. The life that I am given, as it is. This body I’ve got, it will never look like the “ideal” magazine’s portray. This mind I’ve got, it will never be Einstein or Nietzsche, this soul I’ve got it will never be pious enough. I am human and I am imperfect and that’s that.
I came into this world alone and I will go back on my own. Although it’s good to try to live my life to the fullest, to be the best version of me I can be, maybe I can start at the beginning, acknowledging and accepting my existence as I am.
My flawed body, my anxious mind, my fearful heart. Maybe I can begin by opening the doors of my heart to that lonely stranger that’s been there all along, longing, waiting, begging for acceptance, for some love.
And love I’ve got. I profess love to the world yet I can’t let love govern my inner world?
And what is love if not acceptance, kindness, compassion towards myself, towards my many faults. It’s taking the anger I feel towards myself for not being “good enough”, feeling it, acknowledging it and allowing for the calm and peace to come. War doesn’t have to go on forever, more violence towards myself is not necessary, only love can drive out the fear and cease hate. Aggression is not the answer. And that’s what I do when I try to force my body beyond pain and into shapes it doesn’t fit. That’s what I do when I call myself stupid, when I say “I should known better, I should’ve done better”. When I live with regret and fear, that’s what I do. When I’m not fully present in my body and in my life, that’s what I do, it’s war, it’s aggression.
The time has come, the seed is sprouting, the child has matured, the ground is now fertile and the foundations solid enough to spring up, to begin to flourish into who I am.
Into more than just a shadow, more than just a sad, flimsy version of all that I am.
I am now old enough, I have lived through enough, I now know things I didn’t know before. Although I might’ve been suffering, although I might’ve been in pain, I was still there present and listening through it all, learning, maybe the hard way. I was becoming stronger through my pain, the fire was shaping me, molding me into the warrior I now can be. I developed courage, resilience, acceptance, space in my heart for myself, for life as it is in all its glory. I don’t have to be the abandoned, fretful child forever; the time has come, I am now a warrior of love, of life and that is how I will life the rest of my life.
Honoring myself, honoring this precious life I’ve been given. Every feeling, every emotion, every twist and turn, every inch of skin and every hair in this body of mine. It might not be easy, it might not be my usual or learnt response but it’s the road I must take. I have come to a crossroads and there’s now only one way I can take. I have traveled down the beaten road, way too many times; it’s familiar, I know it’s ins and outs, it’s hills and bumps, and although it’s a road well traveled  I must now venture into the unknown.
I am now equipped with everything I need, I am now brave-hearted, daring and courageous to life true to myself, whatever that might look like, whatever that might be. I have no other choice, I have already chosen the honorable life.