Infinity Kiss

They said I should be bitter, resentful and scornful
And mourn you.
But I couldn’t find the seed of all hate
to plant in my heart’s garden bed.
When I think of your name, for some reason it’s all ok,
even if you are no longer there, to hold my hand.
Because the truth is sweet man,
you were the first and will always be, my soul’s friend.
Because you opened my eyes something beyond ordinary life,
Because after you I just could not go back to the way everything was,
Because you made me feel and believe in everyday organic magic,
you made me live a fantasy now I know really exists,
and now I’m not willing to settle for anything else than the love I learned
straight from the heat of your knowing gaze,
looking right through me, where no one else had seen…
After all these years of hiding behind an invisible veil,
which you slowly peeled and revealed my shy skin.
You saw me real, raw and bare,
but what’s most astounding is I wasn’t afraid,
I let you go there…
You unzipped my dress, the one I bought to impress
but what you found most impressive was me without the fancy drapes.

So I washed my face and even thought of shaving my head,
because you made me feel at home and comfortable in my flesh and bones,
Cherishing my textured skin and the soul that lives within
your sweet kisses fertilised love in me…
You saw the shy eyes, that had many tears cried
and you wiped the tears and heard the gasps
and weren’t disgusted by my frail hands,
the many shots I told you I misfired, you said it was all nothing.

And although you never dared
to tell me about you wounds as well,
I saw them, silently burn.
And although we never talked about it,
we both knew this bond we shared was something sacred, beyond the ego space.
I don’t know if our minds realised at the time,
our souls were executing their grand plan,
our spirits dancing vivid.

I could not ever hate you or forget you,
as tempting as it is because sometimes my ego stings
And burns jealousy, blame and envy….
Sometimes I try to tell myself I’ll find someone better out there,
someone who truly deserves me and is ready to claim me…
your loss, you know?

But the truth is I don’t want anyone to replace you.
I don’t ever want to replace love,
because although the story might not have gone as it was “supposed to”
we both know what went on was supernatural, and I don’t ever want to forget that.
I don’t know if something better will come,
but the love you ignited in my heart is enough
to last me this life and maybe the next, where we’ll meet again.

The reason I know this is love is because
although I try I just can not find resentment for you in my heart.
And when I close my eyes and see you in my heart’s eye
I just hope wherever you are… you have a smile, even if in other arms.
I just hope you are safe and happy and not afraid to be yourself
and go after what you deserve, because I’m doing the same.

In this day and age, the honourable tittle of “doormat”
is reserved for people like me
who open the doors of their heart and say
“come and go as you please”,
it’s an open feast.
In my case it’s a banquet and no regrets.
Because what else am I here for
if not to share the most precious thing I’ve got,
which is this love, fierce in my soul.

So no regrets my dear man.
In case you, ever think of me again
I’m sure you’ll know how to find me,
in dark alleys, in your dreams.
Where I sleep tight, with you
and feel infinity in a kiss.

Advertisements

To Love Oneself…

To love oneself…

What does this even mean?
We all have different understating of the word love…
A fleeting irrational, animal response? A mere feeling?

Most often people relate the word love, to “romantic love” between two people, in a relationship, but even the meaning and understanding of what a relationship is so distorted nowadays… We are more “connected” than ever, but more isolated than ever before, especially from our own selves. The only real home and sure source of love we’ll ever find, our own souls.

I believe real love is more than just a feeling.
Real love is a verve, and a most potent sacred force making the world go around…
Unfortunately, language often impedes us to make sense and even express of all our feelings…
The same with love, which yes, is also a feeling of affection, care…
Eros love, includes attraction and feelings of lust…
But real love goes beyond fleeting momentary feelings, real love is a virtue and a divine gift.
I shall attempt to deconstruct or sketch a clear picture of what this love looks like:
First of all, real love encompasses the words:
Kindness
Compassion
Acceptance
Understanding
Patience
Forgiveness
Attention
Empathy
Care
Resilience
Precede the word “unconditional” before all the above…
Now I could go into defining each of the above as well, but I trust we can all look up the meaning of the afore mentioned and get a clear understanding of what they all mean.
Although these words might look all “fluffy” and rosy, rainbows and butterflies, spring everywhere…
They are actually the most difficult things to practice, for us humans, trapped in our ego shells, but they are the most powerful and redeeming forces for any one of us.
So when it comes to self love, where to start?

First by accepting yourself, sounds simple right? Easier said than done.
Accepting our messy, broken selves who everyday we try to change according to societies expectations of what we “should be” as humans.
From a young age we are made to feel inadequate and ashamed of our short comings, some more than others….
So this is the beginning, accepting who you are warts and all, and realising you are not just your “mistakes”, “defects”, but realising that these things are actually what shape you into the unique wonderful individual that you are.
Realising that it is through these struggles you are actually being polished into the diamond that you are.
Realising that there’s nothing wrong with you, you are just the way god, the universe, the providence, nature, whatever you wanna call it intended you to be… Perfectly you.
This is the first step to self love.

Acknowledging yourself in all your glory as not just a pile of negative adjectives of everything the world told you, you “should be”, but being real with the truth of who you are, and being proud of that. Sure, you are not perfect, you could have a million defects which you want to change but we all do, but the first step in changing or “improving” any of those defects or bettering yourself in any way, is by first acknowledging who you are in the first place, acknowledging and loving ourselves into “better” versions of ourselves, not outcasting or berating ourselves for certain parts we are not quite proud of or we don’t like.

For example you could have a fiery temper, and tend to feel anger which you often try to deny, keep contained or reflect onto other people, until eventually you explode… and then you give yourself even more of a hard time for “losing control”, or being an asshole, or a bad person or whatever the condemning thought might be.
The first step is to have compassion towards ourselves, for having all these feelings and unhelpful thoughts, being human and vulnerable and simply not perfect.
Then gently, being aware of certain tendencies or unhelpful habits we might’ve picked up throughout the years for whatever reason, and try to transform them into something more helpful for ourselves and others.
For example that anger, passion, all that energy can be a powerful force for transformation, for taking action towards a noble cause with compassion and benevolence above all. Because we know hate or any destructive action doesn’t benefit anyone, it only damages all parties involved.

So it’s about acknowledging yourself in all your glory and go from there…
To illustrate this, in my experience, I’ve always been an anxious person for as long as I can remember, given my “difficult” upbringing, trauma etc…
For years I tried to negate, hide this anxiety and deep sadness I felt, I just didn’t want to acknowledge them because the feelings where too painful, they were real, but I thought they were a nuisance I had to ignore and just “get on with it”. I lived totally disconnected from my emotions, trapped in my mind, telling myself how “I should” feel instead of owning up to my feelings and which lead to years of destructive behaviour. First of all, I hated myself for all the things I should be and I wasn’t, I hated myself for all my “mistakes”, so often I kept myself isolated, I lived behind a mask, never showing my true self, all my pain. It was only when I opened the doors of my own heart to myself that I could be free…

I started to feel deep compassion for myself, because my anxiety and sadness where there for a reason, I’d had a difficult past, I’d gone through some very rough things that would leave anyone sad and anxious, and there was nothing I could do about the past, the past was done, but my emotions which I didn’t allow myself to feel, where still stuck there because I never allowed myself to process them…
So I started by accepting my past and the feelings that came with them, and realising how it was ok to feel everything that I was feeling. What’s more, I realised these experiences where actually a gift, these deep suffering allowed me to become a more compassionate person towards those in pain, these experiences taught me how to forgive, myself and others.
These experiences taught me the way to love.

Now I realise, there’s no such thing in the universe as mistakes, everything happens for a reason even if we don’t realise it or understand it at the time, everything is a lesson, everything is working towards the evolution of our better selves…

So back to loving myself,
This means forgiving myself for all my mistakes, things on retrospective I could’ve done better? But hey! We all try to do the best we can with what we have with what we have and what we know at the time, so what’s the point in dwelling on the past?
We can only learn, and move on, wiser than before.
Second, loving myself means being true to myself, in all aspects.
First, it means acknowledging my past, all it’s pain and owning it. It means acknowledging all my emotions, not judging them as good or bad, just allowing them to be there, and have compassion for how hard it is sometimes to feel a million things at once that my brain can’t even process.
Loving myself means chasing my dreams, it mean having the courage to break out of my shell and create a life I’m proud of, a live that reflects my values….
Loving myself means loving others around me as well, and not being ashamed of this love, not being scared of being who I am but beaming proudly all this Love I carry within me because, heck it’s a treasure I’ve worked hard to find, literally through many years and tears.
In practical terms it means, acknowledging all my moods, all my physical sensations and acting mindfully to take care of each one. It means being present to my life every second. Being grounded in love.
It means accepting my body as it is, scarred, hairy and all.
It means nourishing it with healthy food, it means giving it the rest it needs.
It means taking care of my mind, nourishing it with wisdom, allowing it to rest and have some fun as well.
It means taking care of my emotions and listen to what they are trying to tell me…
It means making peace with myself, from the constant war… it means working with me not against me…
It means unity, mind, body and spirit…
It means learning to trust myself, my gut, my intuition.
It means being true to my values and beliefs and not be ashamed of being who I am
It means having patience with myself…. having endless compassion for my ego and anxious mind.
It means living a life that makes me happy even if others don’t understand…
It means being in touch with my real self, my soul, endless love.
It means being a compassionate, nurturing mother towards myself.
It means being deeply aware at every time of what I’m feeling and thinking, and grounded, respond accordingly.
It means being mindful and present to my life.
It means acknowledging all my desires and feelings and not keep them exiled or be ashamed of them.
It means reconciling my heart and mind.
It means spreading that love I have within me with others and everyone around me in any way I can…
It means trying to make the world a more loving place.

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”
― Socrates

My pen, my brush, my magic wand…

It’s nothing short of magical what writing is…
My soul exerts an addictive power when I write…
…Feelings, events, mental occasions that would otherwise be forever forgotten, vanished into the ethereal unknown from which they came from, become concrete reality, or as concrete as everything else our senses can perceive and our minds can decipher, and are given a chance at immortality… Permeated into paper or virtual scrolls, transmuted from person to person, through generations…

When penning down our thoughts, we produce a resilient offspring which can withstand the test of time and far outlive their creator…

Writing transforms the human soul from a mere passive spectator into an able dramatist with magical agency…
Pure alchemy… To transform mere mental synopses, moving energy, rapid electricity into factual phenomenons, realities only we have the power to bring about…

Through this process of creation, the human soul is redeemed.
The absurdity, the mundanity and pain of everyday life are  converted and upgraded, have new value and find yet another meaning…

Writing anything is shining a mindful spotlight into one of the many passing, fleeting yet potent moments of ordinary life which catch our attention enough to devote them mental energy to…

Writing is giving each moment a chance to explain itself, writing anything is a way to find justification of the idleness of ordinary everyday life…

Through writing you become, a magician, a sorcerer, with whole universes under our exclusive control.

There’s no right or wrong in writing, it’s whatever the soul is willing to reveal…
When I write, I let my soul purge itself…. Come clean and confess that which has been troubling it, whats bought it joy or that for which it longs….

Through writing I paint internal landscapes… The human vocabulary becomes my colourful, assorted palette…

Writing just like any art, is an attempt to transmute the virile mundanity of everyday life we’ve grown accustomed to into something other, that which our hearts can perceive but our minds can’t comprehend…

Thus, art only makes sense when expressed and received with the heart.

Art is the science of the heart. So to make art, to see art in your life, you must be willing to let yourself feel all that which maybe unconsciously we strive to anaesthetise ourselves from or become immune to maybe from constant exposure… Art calls for us to be at our most fragile, expose our dermis and embrace that vulnerability…

Art can heal, it’s the souls therapy… It’s free reign to express our deepest fears and highest ambitions… Good art, is the soul in its innate craft without inhibitions and parameters from the mind…

Good art is you impregnating, making love to your chosen medium… Not worrying about the outcome, enjoying every minute…

Good art can’t be forced… It’s a testament to the attentiveness and patience of the maker, for the subject will reveal itself…

Art is floating around waiting for those attentive enough to pick up its call and hear it’s message at whatever hour, wherever it may call…

Anyone is capable of great art, all you need is just to be willing to surrender yourself and become the messenger through which art manifests itself…
Letting go of any ppreconceived ideas of what it should be, and let it be as it is… As it wants to be, as it’s meant to be…

The artist is a messenger who must remain faithful and true to the source, giving up the egos agenda…
Art is made with whatever medium you have; if you have paint paint, if you have words write… If all you have is your two hands but you are really inspired to make art, then that nothing turns into anything and everything and your life becomes art…

Serve your soul; that’s where good art is born.

Beaming Hearts…

My heart will forever be open, for you to arrive and walk past… Come and go as you please. I’m not here to tease, but to make you feel at ease, show you how I miss your sweet mystic… Remind you how you really are unique.
I’m quite comfortable walking around barefoot and naked, exposing my soul, just the way I am…
Without much to give other than the one most precious thing I have, sharing my love…

For what are we here for if not to embrace our full quirky humanity and make love large to life and all it’s wonders… Make love to our sadness, to our grief, to our anxiety, to our fear, to our shame and insecurities…

Compassionately ameliorate all the wounds bleeding in our being and resolve the enigmas tormenting our psyches…Learn to cherish, nurture and infuse in our pain and difficulty, grow stronger and transform our virtuous souls…

To learn how to put our egos aside and rest in the ever expansive inclusive awareness of our interconnected essence as one universal family. One constant intermutating living organism that is this world as we know it… Assimilate and exercise a new compassionate way of being, a more benign alternative, where there’s no more or less, in fact we are all the same, yet authentic and invaluably valuable at the same time. Where we are all safe to simply be unapologetically ourselves in all our magnitude…
Although we are living in a ticking time bomb, although we are floating in the middle of ambiguous air, perhaps in the middle of impending doom… Where nothing is guaranteed, yet anything is possible… Where strife and pain are very real, yet we can still rest in peace because we are grounded in love… We have roots reaching down into the earth’s very core, impregnated with the life-giving, benevolent, loving nature of the universe… And so know that through this sturdy, hardy, love we can endure anything, we can achieve anything, we can live and experience everything…

 
For what is life if not one massive playground, with no safety rails…
A laboratory where we are free to experiment and draw our own conclusions, learn our own lessons…
A collective cosmic drama made up of a million of individual stories in which each one of us is the main characters and authors our own novels… A monumental play in which each day the universe is witness to our laughter, satisfaction and sorrow, our many victories and defeats yet one where the only audience to please is really our own souls…
So I’m not here to spend my days living in the sidelines, I’m not interested in a shallow virtual reality, I’m not here to hold back and be my own captor, to retain my impulse and thirst for life, to experience things which satisfy my soul… I’ve got cards to play and I’m out to risk it all… Life is a gamble and I’ve already won the major prize of living life each day, lovingly, from my heart, spreading kindness wherever I am…

 
So I’m not afraid of getting hurt.
My heart has been constantly broken and repaired from the day I came I into this earth.
One thing I’ve learnt is that love is wonderfull and love can be pain, but nevertheless love redeems itself. Since it’s been said that when you love until it hurts there’s no more pain, only love remains…
Love is the antidote to hate, love is magic, love is alchemy… Love reintegrates the shattered pieces animosity leaves behind… Love cleans up the mess of scarcity, injustice and malice… And lovingly, compassionately, ever so graciously, turns them into lessons for the soul, more valuable than gold.
Pain and love, go hand in hand, love makes pain worthwhile. Pain is the murky elixir in which sometimes our hearts have to maride, to grow tender and allow for love to shine through…
Love is the noble paladin which greets and meets harsh words with turning the other cheek. Love looks at fear and insecurity with sympathetic and understanding eyes and invites them to come inside, not fight but hear their discharge and realise there’s a middle way, where it can all coexist in harmony, past the momentary chaos, it’s all part of life…

 
So regardless of your history, you can put aside your misery. Pure and true love and life are freely available to anyone, anytime, you just have to rewire your mind. Silence the cognitive, analysing critic creating your punitive and unforgiving reality and instead start to listen to your instinctively kind and courageous heart, it knows the way, it’s really wiser than we think.

 
Because somewhere along the way you learn that knowledge is not wisdom, money is not fortune, you can have abundant company and still feel alone. You can have everything and anything you ever wanted yet still not be happy or satisfied, you can search the world over looking for love and peace yet still not feel complete, for this things are only found within, whenever, wherever you are… At any time, you can start the journey and follow the trail for coming home, listening to the yearnings and guidance of your soul…
So even though it can be a long, bumpy road, know you are not alone…
As for me, I will never get tired of proclaiming the miracle of everyday…
The miracle of being, of breathing, of thinking, of feeling…
Of creating whole galaxies out of nothing but ethereal passing mementoes of my imagination…
If you are not consumed by the wonder of everyday life, you are not doing something right… So it’s time to take off the glasses of rigidity, of cynicism, of expectation, of lies… And instead look at life with organic vision and appreciate the beauty and magnificence of every second no matter where you are or what you are doing… Every second has the potential for magic, it’s up to us to unlock it…
So go out and make love, make magic, make divine life happen… despite the tragedy, in the middle of the agony.
Draw a smile upon your heart.

“Let my soul smile through my heart and my heart smile through my eyes, that I may scatter rich smiles in sad hearts.” –  Paramahansa Yogananda

I love you naked

To you beautiful dear stranger…

I see you and I love you, as you are, with all your quirks and all your fears.

With your freeting, anxious mind.

With your many mistakes and defeats, with your gloriously messy life…

There’s nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly imperfect you.

I love your eyes, your sad eyes from which many tears have come.

I love your mouth, that which eats too little or way too much. That which can never find the right words to say…

I love your stubby nose, that with which you can savour the fresh healing Spring.

I love your ears, those which expectantly waited for words of love…

I love your hair, that which you waxed, dyed and cut yet it’s still there graciously trying to keep you warm.

I love your crooked teeth, those sturdy yellowy soldiers you haven’t brushed enough.

I love your bulging belly, that one you so desperately try to flatten.

I love your flat chest, even though it’s now silicone clad.

I love your neck, sustaining your skull and the chaotic brain inside.

I love your thighs, those reduced from persistent exercise.

I love your back, your crooked spine.

I love your behind, that one that’s bony and flat.

I love your arms, those you use to give your favourite; hugs…

I love your fingers, those tipping this words…

I love your legs, those you used to run away from yourself, those that every time found their way home…

I love your feet, those bearing the weight of your existence.

I love each one of your toes, those for whom you don’t usually spare a thought.

I love your body whole, that martyr you often reject, that one which made you feel ashamed…

I love your crazy mind…

I love your lonely soul…

I love your bleeding heart…

My whole life I felt like something important was missing… Like I’d been abandoned and was all alone, defected and incomplete. 
My whole life I was always uneasy, restlessly looking for that something missing, for that someone I had to find, to feel love, to feel whole.

I thought I had to become, to strive, to transform into something other than me. 
I thought maybe one day I would graduate into being, that one day I would earn my worth.

Little l did I know that someone I was searching for was closer than I’d ever imagine, it was you all along…
The love of my life looking right back at me… ever-suffering you.
Through the good times and the bad you stood by me, patiently, benignly waiting for me to come to my senses and see you, acknowledge you, embrace you and love you like I am now, wholeheartedly and fiercely, like it’s the only thing I know how to do…

 
Because I’ve realised there will another you, who loves me as much as you do, who has so much love to give so freely, often to be rejected, but now I’m ready to receive it. I’m ready to commit. I’m ready to take on the world with you by my side, even when it’s dark, I’ll have your back. I’m sorry I made you cry and tell you to shut up. I promise to cherish you and fan the flames in your heart. Together we’ll chase dreams, together we’ll comfort and pick each other up, now together we will never be alone. I won’t never ever leave you behind, on you I’ll never give up.

 
I’ve realised now I was always whole, full of mighty potent love, bringing me back to life.

 
So watch me now as I open the door, please come inside… Watch me as I lift you up and carry you to me, sit in my bed, it’s not the most comfortable but it’s all I’ve got.
I’m broken and I’m broke, without many assets but this one precious heart to be your confidant, to write you poems and bring you flowers, to take you dancing and together explore the world.

Everything I have, all that I am is yours now, to treasure and to nurture the way only you know how… To dissect and discern, to decipher and to probe, to find the answers I don’t even know….

Let me dry the tears from your eyes, let me brush your hair back and run my fingers through your mane… Let me stroke your arms just the way you like it, let me make you tea, the one you wanted. Let me cook you food it won’t make you fat.

In my arms you are safe dear, you can rest. Your secrets I won’t tell. I won’t judge and criticise. You can put down your mask, your shield and armour, there’s no need to hide, you are free to be, free to feel, free to shine, blow out and reignite. 
The load you carry around, I’ll help you unpack, make yourself comfortable, feel free to lay back…

Inhabit this humble abode, this physical vessel, mind and soul are yours to forever honor and uphold.

You are enough, you have always been enough.

Lets stop this fight, it’s time we made up.

Welcome home

Being Free…

Freedom is breathing in deeply, exhaling and opening my eyes to the miracle of my existence…
Freedom is the liberating prospect of a inexhaustible possibilities….
Freedom is unlocking my throat and shouting out the top of lungs, having my voice heard, recording my thoughts and breathing life into my emotions, leaving a foot print and permeating my essence into the world…
Freedom is flicking my wand and spinning my dreams into reality…
Freedom is falling asleep at night and imagining Utopia… Living in Utopia
Freedom is smiling when I’m sad.
Freedom is right when there’s left
Freedom is love when there’s hate
Freedom is forgiveness

Freedom is not giving up.
Freedom is challenging the odds.
Freedom is devising another path.
Freedom is becoming lady luck, playing my cards right.

Freedom is knowing there’s calm after the storm, withstanding the storm.
Freedom is dancing in the rain, being soaked but remaining ardent inside.

Freedom is seeing shining sparkles in the dark.
Freedom is finding the intrinsic beauty of all things…
Freedom is planting the tree of kindness in desolate, rocky terrain and inviting everyone to feast on the fruits.

Freedom is waking up to my humanity, my temporality, that I’m dying.
Knowing that one day it’ll all be over, nothing lasts forever, no feeling is final.
Freedom is letting come and letting go, letting be…
Freedom is assimilating the impermanent and transient nature of all things.
Freedom is condensing into a droplet and merging with the ocean, sky… Air…
Everything and nothing.
Freedom is surrendering to the now.
Freedom is laughing at myself, at the absurdity of the critical importance of all my vain errands.
Freedom is providing that suited-up, politically-correct, stern individual who every day shows up in my mind to take care of business, a place to loosen up his tie, put the agenda aside, cancel all meetings and show up for the most important of all affairs and enterprises, this minute.
Freedom is knowing we are not invincible, becoming acquainted and accepting of the bounds of our flawed, imperfect mortality.
Freedom is being able to be anything in the world but still choosing to be ourselves.
Freedom is knowing you are enough.
Freedom is knowing this moment is just right.

Freedom is the metamorphosis of our hearts.
Freedom is the stillness of our minds.

Freedom is trust, freedom is faith.
Freedom is courage.
Freedom is risky and ambiguous.

Freedom is closing our eyes and jumping, knowing our wings will unfold or we’ll fall, but either way, somehow, we will land. Knowing gravity.
Freedom is not the absence of rules but accepting the rules, and playing by the rules.
Freedom is clarity, and the potential for anarchy

Freedom is an internal revolution.

Freedom is invoking and awakening the chameleon, the lion, the gazelle, the Phoenix… All the wild, mythical creatures dormant in our souls.

Freedom is falling from the tree, becoming ripe, becomes whole…
Freedom is seeing our reflections and blemishes we hide, hearing our suppressed yearnings and subconscious demands…
Freedom is knowing ourselves and having a fair trial.
Freedom is drafting up our personal constitutions and emancipating every realm of our being…
Freedom is commanding our energy and accepting responsibility for the waves we make…

Freedom is an everyday riot.
Freedom is rising above the physical constrains of our bodies and illusory prisons of our minds.
Freedom is enduring captivity and oppression.
Freedom is a repented, reformed convict.
Freedom is a faithful, devoted slave.
Freedom is being condemned for life but in spirit soaring high.

Freedom is our downfall.
Freedom is our human contradiction.
Freedom is fantasy.
Freedom is truth, the maximum expression of an unreal reality.

Freedom is catching glimpses of, sometimes touching the Divine.
Freedom is eternal awareness.
Freedom is rare, freedom is quiet.
Freedom is precious.

Freedom is our right.
Freedom is ours for the taking.
Freedom is waiting.
Freedom is being.

“None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free”  ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Courage, dear Heart

This walking in the dark; through the cool mist, trying to palpate the face of uncertainty… Feeling the abrupt wind slap my face and pierce my core as it gushes past me, thrusting my body forward and back, diligently, ever so carefully whispering at me rushes of air from every angle…
Walking at the mercy of the elements’ temperament and capriciousness, with no protection or life-cover, no road map or compass…
Guided exclusively by my curiosity and rapid heart beat…
Like a babe left alone to feebly, clumsily almost comically start to stumble and take his faltering first steps…

This fascinating exploration of the most remote, dark cave, in the utmost depths of fantastic, uncharted, new-lands, where no predecesor has ever gone before…
Where it will lead or what I may find nobody knows.
And so I take a deep breath and keep walking…
This floating in the infinitude of Unknown space, of endless, unexpected possibilities…
Of fleeting comets, shining stars, supernovas and black holes, alien constellations and whole different worlds…
Where my next breath is not guaranteed.
No one knows with exactitude just how long this oxygen tank will last.
And I know this illusory ground I walk on is shifting quicksand…
Any minute I could step on a trapdoor and fall through.
I know this for I’ve already fallen through.
I’ve been falling from the minute I was born…
And where I will land nobody knows.
Or if I ever will. So why am I expecting a landing? Or to reach a destination?
Expectantly awaiting the next station and missing the breathtaking view along the way.
And so I take a deep breath and continue plummeting through this cosmic tunnel….

Like an autumn leaf being graciously swept in whirlwind through a congested maze of concrete, in a confounding metropolis comprised of a million different landscapes… Dark-alleyways, leafy-boulevards, underground subways and bunkers, rooftop patios in sky-scrapping lego block buildings, opponent monuments, secret hideaways, public arenas and amphitheaters, shopping malls and amusement parks, quiet parks and deserted parking lots, junkyards and serene lagoons, shady neighbourhoods and privileged quarters, a whole array of different landmarks and destinations, inhabited by a colourful assortment of a million different races and ethnicities of busy human ants, young and old, rich, poor and everything in between… Where and at whose feet this leaf will land is anyone’s guess…

So is this falling through life… left, right, up, down, forwards and backwards, sideways and swerving, slowly and fast, spiralling in every direction, life is no straight line.
Nothing is guaranteed, and just what we’ll see and be presented with is anyone’s guess… The present always being a surprising gift for us to unwrap the minute we open our eyes for a brand new day…
Despite our calculations and best predictions and expectations, despite a certain degree of the predictability perhaps derived from monotonous and sheltered existences… As much as we’d like to think, we know where we are going and try to cruise control, the reality is there are a million different external factors affecting our existence over which we have absolutely no control over, and really the only thing we can control is the presence we have in this very second.
For the past and future, are right now as much as an illusion as the dreams we carry inside.
Unsettling, freeing and empowering realisation all at the same time.
And so I take a deep breath and continue gliding through this whimsical rabbit hole…

And so I’ve realised that’s its this process of falling, of walking and being swept, of journeying along that counts…
Because somewhere along the way we become what we are, we grow into our own skin, we find the guts to grow the balls, to bite the bullet and brace ourselves for an ever present winter… To show up for our existence no matter what the weather.
It’s about realising this tumultuous falling is our evolution…
Realising that through this process, through time, through experience, through the many wounds which heal to become scars, we develop a shell, an armour, a protection from the weather and impending chaos of the outside, which then prevents the disruption or minimises the impact of any external turmoil on our internal ecosystem and inner harmony…
It’s about not just helplessly falling anymore, but dexterously unfolding our wings, those we never knew we had to begin with and purposefully going along with the flow of life…
It’s about growing strong and hardy along the way…
Yet at the same time conserving our essence, the ingenuity with which we started, remaining authentic, cultivating our keen, sensitive hearts and becoming ever more vulnerable and intuitive at the core.

It’s about integrity; becoming whole. A fusion of mind, body and soul.
It’s about having what we say and do align. It’s about reconciling our hearts and minds.
It’s about conquering our fears and shining the light on the scary shadows that use to give us a fright at night. It’s about realising our limitations, and making peace with our imperfections. It’s about daring to speak our truth, untying the knots on our throats and breaking free of the bindings tying our limbs, hearts and minds and daring to start crafting our visions and living our dreams, regardless of contrarian opinions or pessimistic forecasts… It’s about expecting things to go wrong but daring anyway, because we know we’ll be ok. Because we’ve realised there’s no such thing as failure but that every mistake is a valuable life lesson, regardless of how awful it might feel, how wrong it may seem or how difficult to overcome it might be.

It’s about falling and getting back up again and again and never giving up, changing course if necessary but continuing to march. Its about no longer constructing our castles up in the ethereal air of false promises and passing illusions, but in the solid ground in which we’ve fallen, in the rugged reality of our flawed humanity in an imperfect world, where things don’t always go right and without fail we will make mistakes.
It’s about opening up and welcoming pain and difficulty, because we’ve realised that it’s through the fire that we are polished.

It’s about daring to be accountable for all our actions and taking responsibility for our existence. It’s saying “Yes, thats my mess and I will clean it up”, “That’s the bed I made and I will lay in it”, “Yes, I fell, but I’ll get back up again.” It’s about learning to mend the ruptures in the fine linings of our souls, recognising where we’ve gone off course and then gently and compassionately, picking ourselves up, kissing better our own wounds, nursing back to health own our souls and once recuperated dare to try again and build the bridges between where we are and where we wish to get to…

It’s about seeing our rise and fall as alchemy, a process of transfiguration.
It’s about collecting life lessons, like pebbles along the way, souvenirs for our souls.

It’s about understanding that we are the creators of our own luck and architects of our own destinies, because no matter where life may take us, ultimately we do have the power to decide what we settle for and what we strive for. Wether we choose to be passive victims of our circumstances or choose to take mindful action and take ahold the reigns of our life’s. It’s about exercising our full beings, mind, body and soul and growing flexible and open minded, tolerant and resilient. Letting our hearts marinade in suffering’s potion, grow tender and be cleansed of ego’s condemnation and futilely vain agenda. Letting go of what we think life should be and accepting what is, trusting, hoping, knowing that everything is working out for a higher good… Trusting that everything we may encounter along the way is serving a purpose, even if the reason is not immediately obvious or agreeable with our perception.

It’s about realising that just because things don’t go our way, it doesn’t mean it won’t be ok, but learning to trust the Universe and it’s wisdom, the Mystery and many things we can’t understand… Being ok with not knowing and letting the uncertainty excite us not paralyse us.

Because we’ve realised there’s no such thing as dumb or random luck. The universe is wise, and in all its wisdom it has allowed for human life to flourish. And so we can rest in the knowing we are ruled by these mighty wise laws we might never be able to fully comprehend or decode with our limited human sciences, so we do well to respect and uphold in revenrence and awe and coexist with the Mystery.
Embracing the Mystery. Because one thing is for sure, if the universe and all its wonders have conspired for us to alive in this very second is not for us to just merely exist but rather to thrive; to become a full expression of our humanity, exploit our gifts and talents, experience a full range of emotions, take a hold of our existence and leave a print where we are standing…
To flourish like crazy beautiful wild flowers, which withstand natural and man-made oppressions and against all odds bloom and delight us with all their splendour…
Like every other living creature lovingly crafted, so are we, called to unravel to our full potential, fulfil our purpose of being uniquely ourselves and so find our own beat and style and join in the rhythmic, kaleidoscopic dance of life…

It’s about realising this journey is not of becoming or achieving anything in particular but rather realising and fulfilling who we already are in all our magnitude.
It’s about becoming acquainted with ourselves, realising there’s no need to “find ” ourselves in external sources, or try to construct makeshift alien identities and looking outside for external validation… But instead turning inward and befriending the stranger that’s been with us for from the start, our worst enemy and best friend. Its about opening the doors of our hearts, coming home to ourselves and filling that vacant seat of honour in the thrones and driving seats of our lives. Letting go off everything we’ve learnt we should be and embracing and nurturing everything that we are… both the good and the ugly.
Because we’ve realised that’s it’s only when we accept what’s already there that we can become anything else we might wish to be….

It’s about realising that no matter what life will throw our way, we will be alright…

Because despite the 99.9% of things we can’t control there is one thing we are the sole and rightful governors and custodians of, ourselves.
And it’s in this .1% where our freedom and power lies…
It’s about realising that despite where the currents of life may take us, we have the power to create our realities wherever we are, through what we choose to pay attention to, through our attitudes, through our actions…
It’s about becoming aware of this enormous power and with it, this great responsibility.
It’s about understanding that every action has a reaction, and although we are free to choose, we are not free from the consequences of our choices…
It’s about learning that, that which we saw we will harvest… Good, bad, or nothing at all.
Not because there’s a patriarchal, condemning judge or law enforcer overseeing the universe who will give you punish or reward each person according to their behaviour but simply because of physics and laws of the universe which although we might not be able to fully to comprehend we are all bound by and no one can escape… And although we may try to deny it, although our intellects may try to device loopholes, and we may try to philosophise and argue white into being black, the reality is we can’t fool ourselves, our hearts intrinsically know right from wrong. Wether we choose to uphold it and act accordingly we all have a moral code we are born with, ingrained in us at conception.

So its about understanding that wether in this life or the next, call it karma or law of reaction or whatever else you like, it will catch up to you, eventually.
But even if never does, it’s good to do good anyway, for we are the sole espectators of our own lifes from beginning to end and from our consciences we can’t hide.

It’s about understanding that life can either be seen as the most absurd tragedy or trivial black comedy in its entirety, scripted by the most accomplished sadist author with a questionable, crude, sense of humour… Or as the greatest fable, an epic saga; tales of love, truth, justice, courage, a testimony to the sacredness of the human spirit.

A universal saga of boundless proportions, the greatest story ever told in which these empirical, timeless virtues will always rule supreme and will always overcome despite the adversity, endless hurdles and torrential curve-balls thrown our way…

Tales in which each one of us is called to be the author and main character, heroes and villains…
Tales which will tell of the many dragons we slayed, the many frogs we converted into royalty and of all the many times we ventured off and climbed into the tallest tower of the greatest castle in the highest mountain of a far far away land to liberate and revive many a damsel in distress… Tales which will tell of the many tempting apples in which we met our downfalls, our many Waterloos, and kryptonites… But then, just when we thought we were done for and as our oppressors were preparing to have their final laugh, the miracle happened and something in us resurrected, we embodied yet another superpower we didn’t even know we had; courage, resilience, hope, a human heart…

It’s about realising that as protagonists and authors ourselves, we have the privilege and power to choose the genre these tales are written in, even if the backdrop and scenes have already been set for us, we still have free reign to choose the next plot twist, the moral of the story and even if not necessarily how it will end, we can choose what we lived for and what we dared to die for.

So I’ve realised that in this wonderful precipitation that is life, all that’s required is for me wholeheartedly show up, to say “Yes” to life’s audacious invitation, to come forward, let life’s mystic envelop me, take me into her sturdy, playful arms and propel me onto this miraculous journey, all I need to do is be fully present for each marvellous and terrifying moment. So even though I have no idea where I will land… All I know is it’ll be alright.

For I’ve been falling long enough now to understand life has a funny way of always working out…
So I’m learning to let go of the way I think things should be and just relax, be patient and trust the intuitive sophistication of the flowering of life, everything in due time… As long as I’m present and living from my heart, taking advice from my mind, honouring my past and exercising its many lessons while expecting and equipping myself for an unexpected future, no curve-ball can do no harm, but everything is simply another chapter in my epic saga…

And so I’ve realised that in this life everything we are called to do is to continue plunging and rising again, perforating celestial stratospheres, pushing the boundaries of our human limitations, forever breaking new ground and reaching milestones we didn’t even know existed… Falling ever deeper, bonding ever more intimately with tantalising uncertainty and the ambiguity of life… And in the process, graciously unfolding ourselves, shedding our cocoons and exposing glimpses of our hearts through the magnifying covertures of our actions; the deeds and tales, legends of what we dared to do or regretfully neglected to in this animated, awesome vortex out of which anything can be expected, but where nothing is for sure and only one thing is guaranteed, no one will come out alive to tell the fantastic tale, all we can do is fully live it while it lasts…

So I take a deep breath and keep on walking, floating, falling high into the open everlasting, limitless heavens… Now with my eyes wide open, relishing at the views, taking field notes, and photographs, collecting momentoes, making pit stops to stretch my legs, talking to other travellers and making friends along the way. My heart heart is now exposed and our only protection is the love it radiates, and it’s sheerly obscure skies ahead…

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke