No Precedent

An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love” — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.  – Adrienne Rich

 

So after many moons coming and going, after much research into the many theories and philosophies…. I’ve narrowed it down to this…
When it comes the four letter word, Love
The “romantical” type if you like,
The one you save to for the altar, I want a love like there’s one there’s never been before… No Romeo or Juliet or any other mythical tale.
I want a love without a precedent, one that’s going to make me cry tears of joy and tears of pain, as I grow, because real love is hard work, but it’s also fantastical and worth the trouble.
I want the kind of love that sets you free and resurrects you from the dead, I want a love soul deep, no pretension, no ego, no petty games, but playfulness…
I want the love I can bare my soul to and also make passionate love to.
I want a love with a honorable man, who has the guts to be himself, to be real, to be raw, to be vulnerable…
To accept he’s afraid, but still dare…
I want a goddam warrior of love, just like I am… someone who’s been to to hell and back knows which side he likes best…
So he works hard to make heaven on earth…
A man who knows nothing valuable in this life comes easy, but can still laugh and take delight at the little things in life…
Someone who can be happy with who he is, where he is and what he has while working for what he wants…
Someone who can be honest, that he’s got no idea what he’s doing, but he’s trying and he’s willing to work hard and everything once.
I want someone with a courageous, compassionate heart just like mine.
Someone who’s not afraid to love himself, and love me the same way, because we are both crooked and scarred but still worthy of a love divine.
Someone who knows there’s more to this life than the material things we leave behind, the knowledge our minds can amass, and feelings of a million things at once.
Someone who knows this life is made of little moments called now,
So he’s not willing to postpone, his dreams, his life, his love
Maybe I’m asking for a lot…
But when it comes to this “romantic” kinda love nothing else will do,
Because I want a love that can revolutionise the word.
Because that’s what love is and that’s what it does.
So I know I’m not asking for too much
Love is mysterious, everlasting and divine
Sadly, our society has distorted our views of love so much most of us don’t even know what we want when we say we are looking for love…
Thus, why sadly many so called “romantic enterprises” fail dismally time and time again.
Because most of the time this relationships are based on fleeting feelings of lust or physical attraction. Often times, the person we thought “we loved” and saw as our “saving grace”, who would offer us all the satisfactions we yearned for in a lover, disappoints us with their humanity. They weren’t in the end; all that we had fantasised them to be based on our expectations created by outside influences, our experiences of “love” in childhood and often what the media or culture around us preaches “love” should look like…
Oftentimes we are deceived with the idea, that a loving relationship should should look like two people meeting, “falling in love” at first sight, being totally compatible in everything, reading each other’s minds, hardly ever being in any conflict or disagreement and living together happily ever after? I think not.

The truth is, in my understanding, love, is a not just a fleeting feeling but a universal truth and cosmic force and virtue, which we have in all of us and it’s our moral duty to nurture and share this love, which translates into, kindness, compassion, understanding, patience, forgiveness towards every being in the planet, including ourselves, “good or bad” irrespective of our self righteous judgement, I really could and am called to love anyone and everyone. Especially those who we think are less deserving are those who need love the most.

But when it comes to this “life companion”, kind of love, where agape, philos and Eros, are combined, that is something else…
A true blessing from above, something designed by the divine, when you find that special someone who is just somehow “easier” to love than most.
That special someone who you feel this magnetising attraction to for some strange but wonderful reason, beyond physical exterior…
Who you feel a “connection” to that you just can’t understand, you’ve only just met but yet they are so familiar, and you can be so intimate with, as if you’d known them for a while already… somehow you feel secure and safe in their presence, someone who feels like home.
That someone who’s smile, makes you smile,
You want to best for them, and you are willing to sacrifice, make concessions and commit. But this comes with ease….
Although real love is hard work, with this special person is less so.
Because you both on the same boat, keeping afloat, paddling together to the shore
And you know, you won’t let go.
You are in it, for keeps, for real.
You are willing to work hard to make your garden bloom and shine with an ever present spring, but when winter comes, you’ll know that’s also, alright because the trees you planted have solid foundations, in a deep understanding of love, which can endure any weather.
So you treasure the garden and gardener, you’ve got beside…
Because for some reason with this one particular person…
You felt a sparkling soul connection,
Even though a there was million others who would’ve fit in all your intellectual boxes
And expectations of what love “should” look like…
Other’s who made you horny perhaps,
But there just was no magical spark, that “je ne sais quoi”
Which is only ignited by this one special person you feel drawn to…
Your soul recognising in the other clay from the same terrain…
A magnetising pull, almost instinctive hypnotism to this one special person…
Where as when with the million others, who intellectually qualified as potential lovers there was simply no, “divine spark”, even though you tried, but it just didn’t come…
This things, I’ve come to believe you can’t force, but they are mysterious blessings from above given to you when the time is right.
Your reason can’t explain, your ego tries to defend, and you are feeling perhaps, shit scared, excited, and a million things more at once, so just you have to surrender to this feeling of love inside.
To the universe and his funny ways…
Perhaps the answer will be revealed much later.
So when it comes to “relationships” and
love, I want that other soul, who to come home to at the end of the day,
And endlessly conversate about our days…
How it’s rough out there,
Someone you with you can rant and complain to, without fear of being judged.
Because you both understand you are not perfect; you are human, but that perfectly alright. You are still divine, in your beloveds eyes.
Someone you can be silly, confide with in the most childish and intimate things…
Someone whom with you sulk, and then discuss what was behind all of that, healing the wounds from the past.
Someone who inspires you to be a better man, but still accepts your broken self.
I want the love that can heal, it hurts but it’s real… the love that is not afraid of tenderly exposing the wounds, suppurating the pus…
And gently, lovingly, soothingly, sensually, little by little, letting the pain drain away….
Becoming a better a man, by the side of your beloved…
Not by hiding our vulnerabilities and insecurities, but by being authentic and grounded
And so transcending your egoistic humanity. Accepting each other as broken and flawed but still intrinsically worthy of love.
Two souls helping each other evolve.
And why not, heal the world, because we’ve done our work, what else are we here for?
This is what I want, not to satisfy my ego, but liberate my soul… and my beloveds too.
Someone who inspires you to be a better man, but still accepts your broken self.
Someone who’s willing to go with you go on this roller coaster, you don’t know what love would look like, but that’s alright, you are making it up, as you go along…
Theres no blueprints stablished, thats all rubbish…
Your writing your own version of happily ever after, guided by your loving heart.
By the divine; rising above the ego, and ways this world tells you “love” should be like so…
You make your own rules, your own vocabulary, your own tribe.
You found one of your kind, and that’s a blessing divine.
And sometimes we’ll just sit together in silence,
Because our souls are communicating in ways our minds are not understanding…
So we just let go,
And embrace in passionate love.
Love is an intimate friendship set on ardent fire, that’s true.
But sadly most people don’t even know what friendship is,
Keeping it all at surface level, we hide behind our ego…
Friends are someone you can be frank to and they accept you,
Friends are so hard to come by; because we are all so screwed up…
So to find love, that’s something from another world, something worth fighting for, and dying for.
When I’m on my death bed, its ok if I have a million regrets…. of things I “should’ve done”, but I don’t want one of them to be not loving hard enough, with all my heart.
That’s my mission in life.
To love and to let everyone know, love is the only way to go and antidote to all the ailments of the world.
And when I find that special person with whom to tango.
I won’t let go, in fact I couldn’t even I tried, because our destiny would already be written in the testament of the stars.
It’s true, I love everyone…
But with this one special creature, I would let them know day and night how much they mean to me, how I’m so so glad they are alive…
I would write poetry about them all the time, they’d inspire stories in me I never knew I had…
With this one special person, we would face hell and it’ll be ok though, because we are both warriors in love, with the most potent weapon, there’d be nothing we can’t face
With this one special person, we’d grow old together, we’ll see how time draws lines in our face and our bodies deteriorate; yet we’ll still love and be attracted to each other, because what unites us is beyond the cover…
We’d understand each other with just a look, we’d know what’s going on, our minds would be in synchronicity, we’d understand each other’s moods and looks, yet at the we’d still surprise each other, because we are different and cherish our differences, we’d let there be space in our togetherness, and encourage each other to pursue our individual dreams and respect our autonomy and admire our different abilities so we’d communicate our wishes and feelings clearly and honesty, without pretention or fear, but eventually after the many years it would all be almost effortless, because our communication is just great, we both understand the foundations for a solid relation.
With this one special person…
I don’t know what it would like…
But I’m exited, I can’t wait, but I must be patient… to find out
Maybe we’ll marry
Maybe we won’t
Have children? I don’t know….
Because the story is not just up me, but we’ll write it together with the prince who decides to his reserved place next to me and together we’ll sail this ship, into our own horizon and treasure island.
Where we’ll live happily ever after, we’ll make sure of that, because we’ve been to hell and back and we know which side we like.
We’ll create our own paradise.
All I know is this love won’t have a precedent.
Nothing like it, ever before.

“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks… the work for which all other work is but preparation.” Rainer Maria Rilke

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Human; all too human…

I want to speak for those who do not have a voice…
I want to pay attention to those who are never heard…
I want to understand the misinterpreted and translate the obscure, blurry, hieroglyphics between “us” and “them”…
So this is for you who are hurting, taking refuge in those dark corners of an eternal night, hiding or left behind.
I want you to know you matter and are a part of this as much as those who are up on stage, whose glossy images are propped up in shining lights and who’s names the walls ricochet…

I want to let you know you who are hurting, that your pain won’t last forever.
You are not alone alone in your struggle, we all carry within us a yoke it seems sometimes we can’t bear…
We all have monsters tormenting us… Our hearts all keep secrets… Emotions no one can escape…
We have all been blessed and cursed with sentient hearts, thinking minds and conscious consciences not letting us sleep at night.
We are all learning as we go along, we all just want to get by and if we are lucky thrive…
How or why we arrived at the grand theme park that is life, no one really knows, all we can do is try to enjoy the ride and take in and put out as much as we can, while we can…
Everyone is doing the best they can, with what they’ve got and with what they know…

Life didn’t come with instructions…
Although there’s many manuals we’ve made up, many theories we’ve conjured up… Truth is no one knows you better than you know yourself.
The trick is to attentively listen when your heart speaks, kindly quiet your mind, reconcile the two and together, synthesised, in harmony lead your life… To be aware of the ego and the games it plays…

To have compassion for your frail humanity and in this know you are not alone. And so extend that compassion to everyone around you, for we are all fallible and finite and its hard for all of us…

Because pain is an unavoidable natural phenomenon of life we all must learn to bear the best way we know how, and this is constant transmutable process…

Because hopefully through our pain we will learn. Because every battle scar makes our souls more noble and sturdy.

Because every pain beared is another monster slashed, another mountain conquered, another medal earned.

Because without without pain and difficulty we wouldn’t know stillness and satisfaction…

So know this…

In your shame, you are not alone… When someone made you feel defected, almost alienated. When you weren’t being accepted and didn’t feel appreciated, needed to be validated… For all the times you were rejected, nastily degraded, your self-esteem negatively affected… For every time you wanted the earth to swallow you whole, or quickly crawl into an imaginary hole. For every one who ever said you weren’t good enough, and ridiculed you with scornful laughs. For every instance you felt profound humiliation was your condemnation. For every time you were teased, made fun of and mocked, insultingly provoked. For every time you had to endure some sort of abuse, treated offensively without excuse, left to in shame suffuse and your pride reduce. For every instance you were ever left questioning your worth, depreciating your soul… For all the mortifying secrets you keep locked away in your heart, wanting to be erased by your mind. There’s someone here, who can see past that brave but frail, fake smile, someone who knows you really ain’t alright, someone who knows that those words really hurt deep down inside, that those actions were vulgar… There’s someone here who’s been there too, affirming your truth in its entirety and sharing in the mutual embarrassment…

In your fear, you are not alone… For all the sweaty palms and racing hearts, for all the times you felt paralysed, when horror had you petrified… When you were close to panic, so you started acting erratic. For all the times you got chills down your spine in the face of something scary, real or imaginary… For every time you ever felt intimidated, but resolved to not let terror leave you incapacitated so a risky feat you initiated. When your monsters were incarnated but you bravely motivated of courage you appropriated and another phobia vindicated. For all the seconds spent in the grips of impending doom, when unsettling uncertainty seemed to loom. For every time dread held you back or you impulsively betrayed your heart. For every time you closed your eyes to jump but you either froze or run…. Through that constant anxiety, feeling like something bad is going to happen… Through your courage and bravery, there’s someone here who’s been too, holding your hand, having your back, being your cheering squad, telling you you’ll be fine, it’ll pass, you’ll see it through the other side…

In your sadness, you are not alone… For every time you felt down in the dumps, like nothing could cheer you up. For every time your sou’ls wounds were bleeding and needed some compassionate healing. For every broken heart and every tortured poem penned at night. For every goodbye kiss and every the lover that you miss. For every tear shed and illusion shred, when heartache seemed to spread… For every time you felt depressed and by woe possessed. When anguish was a constant state, when you felt like misery was here to stay. For every ending and melancholy tolerated. For every hour spent in sorrow and mourned like there was no tomorrow. For every time you felt your world was coming to end, for every moment of overwhelming despair. There’s a someone here who’s been there too, consoling your heart, padding your back, providing you the tissues to have a good cry… Telling you that although it now hurts, the pain too will come to an end, you will smile again, time will heal and kiss those aches away and even though I can’t repair your loss know that love will once again grow…

In your anger, you are not alone… For every moment of consuming fury, for every instance you were left you fuming. For every occurrence that made you bitter and made your sunshine wither. For every time you felt you needed to yell to express your discontent. For every second of exasperation, perhaps caused by a repetitive incidental irritation. For every of moment of perceived injustice, perhaps you witnessed something destructive, so by anger you were made captive, enraged and disgusted. For all the times you wanted vengeance, amend a debt left pendant, regardless of repentance but thought twice and realised violence was just more petulance, anger wasn’t the answer so you controlled your temper. For every thirst of revenge, wanting to let loose and wrench, satisfy a vindictive quench. When you were victim of an aggression, perhaps in the middle of a contention… For every second of impotence and frustration, when in indignation you demanded an explanation. For all the episodes of uncontainable rage, for every time you felt betrayed, like the world was just not fair, and nobody gave a care for your welfare. There’s someone here witnessing your cause, hearing your discharge and giving you a glass to smash… There’s someone here to remind you that don’t have to be hash back, gotta cut the world some slack, resentment will only harbour more hatred, so just breath and left off steam, let the anger move through you and be released…

In your envy and jealousy, you are not alone… For every time you were disturbed by the thought your lot was being threatened, your territory being invaded, so your turf had to be defended. For every time you were suspicious your brother’s intentions could be malicious. For every time you caught yourself lusting, onto foreign objects grasping. For all the times you viewed your brother as your rival, concerned for your survival. For all the times your insecurities bred resentment opportunities. For all the times you felt possessive, mistrustful and obsessive. When your ego started whining, after what’s not yours pinning… For every time you were by greed possessed and started to covet what was on the other side of the fence. For all the times your eyes were bigger than your belly and you didn’t believe in sharing. When you just weren’t satisfied with what you’d been supplied, what you had wasn’t enough, you wanted to accumulate more stuff. There’s someone here who’s been there too, eyeing off the neighbours goods, but reminding you that life is not a competition, your brother is not your opposition so put down your ammunition and let go off your needy disposition. Instead count your blessings and don’t obsess over your earnings. Realise there’s no need to be stressing your assets are extensive and through life you are progressing. There’s someone here who’s been there too, to remind you to appreciate your current state, see it’s already great, there’s really nothing missing so let go of greedy wishing, what you’ve got is sufficing, so instead start grinning, you are already winning, life will keep on giving. Desire can drive you crazy but gratitude is a better attitude. So remember you you’ve got enough, you are enough, life’s already lush…

In your loneliness, you are not alone… For every time you felt secluded like by the world you were eluded, from humanity excluded. For all the times when someone’s absence made for a desolate ambiance. When you felt like a recluse solitude had produced. For all the times you felt abandoned and yearned for a companion. For all the times your friends were no where to be seen or you felt you didn’t fit in, like an outsider trying to squeeze in. When you were surrounded by many but seen by none, when you felt like a stranger from a foreign land. So you sat alone questioning your worth far away from home… When your loved ones weren’t near, and there was seas between you and those you held dear… There’s someone here to keep you company to alleviate the solitary agony, together in harmony. Theres someone here to interrupt your desolation to remind you are part of a global congregation, we are all in relation. We can be together in unity, a solidary community, like humanity is supposed to be. Theres someone here to remind you even though you are alone, doesn’t mean you are not loved, there’s always someone near just a call away on the phone… Also, remember sometimes solitude can be a welcomed state where you can meditate and your own company appreciate…

In your worry and doubt, you are not alone… For every time your mind raced with a million possible scenarios of what could do wrong. For every time you forgot if you left the stove on. When you just couldn’t seem to let it go, when preoccupation seemed to grow, anticipating woe or regretting what happened long ago. For all the endless sleepless nights when you thought the money wouldn’t be enough, wondered why life was so rough and things at home were tough. For all the times you wondered how long the struggle would last, your world was just spinning too fast and had a gloomy forecast . For all the times anxious thoughts disturbed your peace of mind, when just you couldn’t leave the past behind and wanted to rewind. For all the times your mind obsessed over a concern, perhaps money you had to earn, or how to increase your return, so on the same thoughts you would churn until your head would ache and burn, when stress became stubborn, constant and nocturn and ruminating turned into a detrimental pattern. For every time your mind made up a dramatic story, a mental purgatory with an endless repertory. For all the times your mind made a mountain out of a molehill, against your will stress made you ill, you just needed to chill so you took a pill. For every time you had a burden to solve, come to a resolve but your problems just seemed to evolve. When your imagination became stressful, just plain painful. For all the moments of indecision, wether to listen to your intuition or your logical cognition. For all the times you felt pressure, questioned by a demanding oppressor. Know there’s someone here to not telling you to “just relax”, but handing you a worry jar. Without any wise advice other than to listen to your heart. There’s someone here to remind you breath and run through your pros and cons list. There’s someone here with whom to brainstorm, your worries transform and something relaxing perform…

In your illness, you are not alone… When the medicines just don’t seem to work, when the doctors don’t know what’s going on, when you just want your biology to cooperate and to be healthy once again. In your physical, mental, emotional impairment, despite all that keeps you incapacitated… There’s someone here who’s been there too, now holding onto hope with you, saluting you for your strength in the face of ill health and encouraging you not to give up. You will win this wellness fight, you will heal and you will thrive. You will find the remedy to cure your malady because you believe in positivity…

In your mistakes and your regrets, know you are not alone…. For all the times your ego was deflated and your grand plans never consolidated, when you were utterly devastated. For all the times you chocked, those words were never evoked, your intentions weren’t invoked, your proposals were revoked, things just didn’t go as you hoped. For all the times you fell flat on your face and encountered disgrace, felt like a hopeless case, stuck in an adverse place. For all the times you felt you were swimming against the current, your path was errant seemed apparent, the world was noncompliant, instead it was being defiant, you were up against a cruel giant. For all the times you felt like the biggest fool, prone to ridicule and treated yourself cruel. For all the times you just couldn’t forgive yourself, when the enemy was your own self. For all the things looking back, you wished you had said and done, all the missed opportunities, unexplored possibilities, unexploited abilities, suppressed impulsivities, alleged liabilities, perceived fallibilities in light of uncertain probabilities and pre-cautious proclivities. There’s someone here who’s been there too to remind you that what matters is you tried and weren’t afraid to fly, fear defy, your courage testify and tenacity exemplify, so your mistakes you will rectify and your victories will multiply. When you feel disheartened, chin up for trying. Life is a learning curve, no ones perfect, so errors come to expect, it’s not an inborn defect, you just can’t always be correct, there’s nothing wrong with your intellect, so don’t lose your self respect and instead confidence reflect. There’s someone here to remind you to go easy on yourself for at some point those regrets were exactly what you wanted, otherwise you wouldn’t have acted, but you dared and experimented, it all went as destiny intended for your knowledge to be upgraded and another lesson learned consolidated. Hindsight is always 20/20, mistakes are ordinary and although they might be awry they make you hardy and savvy, so greet nicely and use them wisely. Remember it’s never too late start over, you can still recover, of the world you are an explorer, inner strength you will discover, even if you have to go slower, you are only becoming stronger. Sometimes life does give second chances, so don’t dwell on your current circumstances and keep on making advances…

In your struggle, you are not alone… For all the times when you felt completely overwhelmed, when nothing seemed to go your way, it was all hazy and gray, you carried a deep dismay and became a sad display, wanting to throw it all away or runaway from all the disarray, yearning for a sunnier day. For every time you felt misunderstood, like the world was all aloof… For all the times you felt you were running out of strength, it all too intense, your problems seemed immense, you were tired of pretence, challenged in every sense, so you prayed for extra defence. For all the times you were stuck in a dark place, perhaps a bad habit trying to replace but the cravings were too intense that you just couldn’t tolerate so relapse would replay and then the guilt would suffocate, from your conscience you couldn’t escape, the mistakes you couldn’t erase so the problem would complicate and a vicious cycle would replicate.
For all the times you couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, it was all a constant struggle, you were surrounded by trouble, your world was all a jumble and you had started to crumble. There’s someone here who understands you ain’t super human, you don’t always have to have a plan, although you may feel pressure to be a “top-gun” and get it all done, the reality is not always fun you are allowed to come undone. You are allowed to feel tired and uninspired. You are allowed to have had enough and want to leave it all behind… It’s ok to unwind, however not by hardship be defined or to adversity confined but instead once realigned wisdom find, become kind and of sound mind, of service to mankind…

In your humanity, you are not alone… There’s someone here also made of flesh and bones, another sentient, animated soul taking on a temporal physical role… In your preference for certainty, battling internally, wondering about eternity. In your wanting to be special, somehow differential, you are indeed intrinsically essential, donned with a unique potential. In your ever changing identity, blotchy integrity, mental complexity, emotional intensity, spiritual tendency, need for transcendency, beyond pleasing aesthetically and succeeding financially, regardless of race and theology and any other different philosophy or separating ideology. In your wild imagination, ingenious creation. In your endless contradictions, quirks and addictions, all your ambitions and afflictions, in all your aversions and leisurely diversions. In your inclination for indulging in pleasures and desires, searching for what your soul requires… In your wrestling with God, filling that existential void. In your need to control, life taking its toll… In never giving up hope, always learning to cope no matter how steep the slope, walking in life’s tightrope. In being your own worst critic, harshly analytic, sometimes fatalistic, not wanting to be a cynic but remaining optimistic, aiming to be realistic, ever artistic with a stroke of mystic. In your vulnerability, most important ability. In your mortality, sobering reality. In your constant search for meaning, incessant thinking, dreaming, seeking, needing, breathing, feeling, living… There’s someone here who bleeds the same blood and breaths the same air, a mirror reflection extending a fraternal hand, looking into your eyes, past the facade and pantomime. There’s someone here who speaks your silent language, no words necessary, hearts speak directly, always truthfully and valiantly, tirelessly… There’s someone here too, someone like you, someone like me, someone human, all too human…