Memory

I can’t remember the last time I felt real hunger
I only remember being afraid of starving
again
I can’t have you so I’ll have another sweet instead
Be it cheesecake, be it prunes, raisins, sultanas…
Dehydrated fruit
Something that will satisfy a hunger I can’t otherwise fulfil

My body needs very little to survive
Just a touch every now and then my soul
One love to last a lifetime
I am very low maintenance in a high maintenance
World I can not
Keep up with my thoughts
Desires, my every craving and yearning and fear
I can not remember the last time I felt real
Harmony, peace, like it’s all ok
Like it’s all going to be ok, like it’s always been
Ok
Just as I am
And felt the courage to leave behind everything
that was for a good couple of seconds
But that was nice— I still think back to that time
In your car, you dropped me off home after the first night we
dreamed together. You were off to see the boys and watch the UFC or footy,
I can’t remember
And I had to go and see dad. It was a sunny day.
We kissed and next thing I remember I was gliding
Into the house which suddenly looked different, it all looked
different, I felt different
I could still feel your hands holding my heart
upright
Your arms tightly wrapped around my
memory
I close my eyes and can still take myself back to that
day when I could see clearly
When all I could see was you
Looking at me under the covers
Like all we could see was the sun
shining out of each other’s eyes or hearts
I can’t remember
Like all we could feel was the stars
In another galaxy, in our own galaxy
Like finally
we had found another
One of our own kind
I still think back to that not feeling lonely, feeling
Supported, feeling held by someone I’d just barely met
But felt like family
Is supposed to feel like
I suppose
I love you even though you don’t
love me

Right~”